Letting Go of Anxiety About Children Is a Parent's Most Precious Gift

Hello James,

I have been listening to your lectures, and ever since I started investing according to your method, I have felt much more at ease. Thank you.

About three or four years ago, I asked you about my child. At that time I told you that my high school son said he only wanted to stay at home. I felt he should not think that way, so thank you for guiding me back then.

Later, he went to a good university and is now in his third year. His personality is that he does not like dealing with people, so he chose to study computer science. From my perspective, he is rather passive. He says he does not like the process of applying for co-op jobs, so his attitude is not very proactive.

I do not know whether I should remind him, which would make him unhappy, or whether I should completely leave him alone. He is already 20 years old. Other than this, he is a normal child. He can cook and has a calm personality.

I always worry about what will happen to him in the future. These days, even computer science graduates may not necessarily find jobs, and he is still not rushing to find internship opportunities. Am I worrying too much?

We live in Vancouver, Canada. I look forward to your reply. Thank you.

Hello,

Thank you for your message, and thank you for following my lectures. I am glad to hear that my investment method has made you feel at ease.

Regarding your son, I believe you are worrying too much. Since he is a responsible young person who can take care of himself and is studying a specialized field such as computer science, you should try to relax.

Do not worry. Be happy. Trust that as he walks his own path, things will work themselves out.

The more you worry, the less your son will ever grow up. He may become even less confident, and your relationship with him may become worse.

The relationship with children should be: it does not matter, anything is fine, it is okay. As long as they are healthy, do not have a serious illness, and do not become disabled, everything else is a small matter.

Best regards, James

Hello James,

Thank you very much for your letter. What you said truly touched exactly what was in my heart.

This summer my son came home to live, so I had more chances to see him sleeping late, leaving his room messy, and rushing out to attend summer classes. I remember you repeatedly saying in your lectures that we should maintain a good relationship with our children, so I try not to say anything blaming him.

But when I see his room in a mess, I still worry inside. I think, what will happen to him if he keeps living like this? With such an introverted personality, how will he handle relationships in the future? But in your reply, you said that as long as he is healthy and does not have a serious illness, that is enough. Everything else is a small matter.

Suddenly I felt relieved. Yes, what exactly am I worrying about?

James, I started listening to your lectures four or five years ago, maybe even earlier. Since then, I began managing by myself the education fund and my personal retirement fund that I had originally entrusted to the bank.

At that time, I had become ill, quite seriously, and could not work, so I was resting at home. Somehow I came across your investment philosophy. In the past, whenever I had money, I would use it to pay down the mortgage. After I paid off the whole mortgage, I asked you about it, and you encouraged me to borrow money from the house to invest.

I did that, and I am very grateful for your encouragement at that time, which helped me bravely take that step. It was truly a case of not knowing enough to be afraid. I bought everything in one lump sum. At the time I thought I had bought at a high point because there was a pullback later, but looking back now, it has doubled. What I bought before all became low points.

I used to feel that I had no money, and with my health problems, I did not know what my retirement life would look like. But over these years, while taking care of my health, I bought whenever I had money. I ignored the ups and downs of the stock market. Slowly, I realized that the money I planned for retirement has basically reached my target.

My mindset has changed greatly. I no longer feel anxious about the future, and my temper has become much gentler. Thank you very much.

Back to the matter of my son, thank you for clarifying the direction with just a few words. I used to work very hard and put a lot of pressure on myself. As a result, I did not take good care of myself and wore myself out until I became ill. I do not want my son to walk the same road.

I will support him as you said and tell myself: it is okay, anything is fine.

I listen to your lectures every week. I especially like hearing you talk about life wisdom and your insights. I also learn from the sharing of friends who come on the program. I have learned so much, such as what you say about doing different things at different stages of life. I did not understand these things before.

There is also how to get along with parents, especially when they reach the stage where they need care. If I had known earlier, perhaps I would have gotten along with them better before they passed away.

Now when I take long-haul flights, I also consider buying business class. In the past I probably always felt reluctant to spend the money. Thank you for changing many of my ideas.

In this episode I heard you coughing a little. I wondered whether the workload at CLEC is too heavy. In any case, I hope you take good care of your health, so you can pass your ideas on to more people who need them.

Wishing you and your family health, peace, safety, and joy.

Respectfully,

Hello,

Thank you very much for your long reply and sharing. Seeing that you have not only succeeded in investing and reached your retirement goal, but more importantly have changed so much in mindset and health, I am truly happy for you.

Regarding your child, the fact that you can think this through and decide to let go of anxiety is already the greatest support you can give him. When parents stop observing their children's shortcomings through a microscope, children instead gain the space they need to grow.

Children do not understand many things, so parents can set an example. I remember that when I was young, I also did not fold my blanket after getting up. But my mother would come and make my bed and fold the blanket for me. I saw it and knew in my heart that I should fold the blanket myself. That is learning.

When I travel, I keep my suitcase neatly organized. After my daughter saw it, she learned too. Since she was young, she has packed her own suitcase by herself, neatly and in order. Children learn from their parents. Parents first do things well themselves, show them, keep the home tidy, and put everything back in its place. When children see that, it is the best education.

A parent's example may not take effect immediately, but over the long term it definitely works.

Finally, take one step back. Always take one step back. Think about this: if your child were sick, needed someone to feed him, needed someone to carry him to the bathroom, and needed you to bathe him, would you still care whether he folded the blanket?

So always remember: as long as your children are healthy and happy, can run, jump, eat, drink, and sleep, that is already the greatest happiness.

Thank you also for your concern for me. Recently I have indeed been a little tired. I will pay attention to rest and take care of my health. I am very glad to share life wisdom with you through lectures and email, and I hope you continue to enjoy this calm and gentle state of life.

Wishing you good health and all the best.

Best regards,

Disclaimer

All email content, video content, and replies are for reference only. I am not a professional investment advisor, nor am I a professional tax specialist. All information is only a sharing of personal experience. Please invest cautiously. You are responsible for your own investments, decisions, and actions.

Written by James.